The Own part in Feel Own Care Belonging and A Little Old Lady
The CEO had a real problem with the Feel Own Care Belonging Model I set out before him for his culture initiative. He desperately wanted to increase employee retention and talent acquisition, aside from just increasing monetary compensation. A key aspect of the model got his hackles up. "I don't ‘own’ my employees."
Do you see the irony in his answer? "I don't own" + "my employees". That's the problem. Not owning limited his personal accountability for the well-being of "his" employees. We go out of our way, move towards the risk, and fight for the wellbeing of those who are ours.
Without belonging there’s only fighting with each other. Not for each other.
We're neurobiologically wired for this.
To feel. To own. And to care for. For each other. In successes, dreams, and failures. Our brains need this 3x3, going back and forth between us, for real belonging.
That “Own” part…
My spouse, my friend, my dog, my mom, my dad, my teammate, my tribe, my company. These two little letters make up the word for the emotional ownership we take for one another. When we’re in feel-own-care belonging (FOCn Belonging), not the transactional sense of belonging, it's...
Our relationship, our friends, our dog, our mom, our dad, our teammates, our tribe, our purpose, our company...
My becomes our, in belonging. And the default state of our neurobiology moves into unite-and-fight instead of degrading into fight/flight.
And in FOCn belonging, fear of becomes fear for, and, aspiration at the expense of becomes aspiration with. This is the secret of the highest-performing teams on earth! They FOCn’ belong!
The little ol’ lady who wasn’t my mom.
About a year ago, I came across an older lady who was lost, while I walked Gracie. I was on the way back and had appointments to get to, but I stopped to see if I could help her get to where she was going. And she was so close, only a mile and 1/2 away from her destination. Stopped right in the middle of the road, paralyzed with the fear of getting stuck on the bridge in trying to get to her destination. So, I gave her directions, that only took two left-turns and a right to get there, without the bridge. No go!
Her confusion and fear left her repeating… "I don't want to get stuck on the bridge. {breath} I don't want to get stuck on the bridge."
Me: "Hey, would it help if I got my vehicle and you could follow me, and I'll take you there?"
Her: "Oh yes! you'd really do that?"
Me: "Sure, I'll walk back and get my truck, then go ahead and follow me." (I called and explained the situation and asked for some understanding as I walked back to get my truck. They were more than happy to.)
When she saw me in my truck, the relief on her face was beautiful. She could move again.
She followed me for 1.5 miles, right in front of her destination. I stopped to make sure she was aware that she'd made it. She said, "I see it, the address!" She thanked me, shared a short bit of why she made the trek to West Seattle. Took my hand and asked me my name, and then told me hers, Linda.
Why would I go out of my way? To lead her where she wanted to go? Because, as I talked to her in the middle of the road, she became...
my mom
my grandmother
my wife in a few years
my friend's mom... etc
Because she was mine. I chose her, right there. That's how belonging changes things.
If you want the power of belonging instilled in your company employees, you’ll have to spend time with them, and talk with them, so they can actually become yours. So you can become theirs.
In your company, are your employees yours? Do you feel, OWN, and care for them? Do they feel, OWN, and care for you? And for each other.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, really. If you found it valuable, please share it.
Curious? Would like to explore how belonging increases your well-being and performance, give me a holler.
Catch ya, Paul