I Learned Belonging at 11 Years of Age
At my dad’s memorial gathering on Saturday, I shared a story about him. And I learned something about myself. That, when I was 11 years old, he’d shown me how to inspire and give trust, so that a person will naturally land in higher accountability and aspiration. You see, he’d bought me an old 10-foot flat-bottom boat with a 5-hp outboard motor. I quickly decided I needed greater propulsion. I wanted my boat up on a plane, better and faster. So, I asked, dad for a more powerful engine. He said, ”Yes, but you’ll have to build it, ok?”
That’s me in the boat. With a 5hp Merc
He got me everything I needed, all the parts and pieces of a disassembled 15 hp 1963 Mercury outboard motor, and all the tools, manuals, etc. I went right to work. He’d check on my progress. I finished the engine and excitedly called him to come and see it. I couldn’t wait!
He looked at me with a giant smile and asked, “Did you use up all the parts?” I answered, ”Think so.” He grabbed the box that had the powerhead parts, shook it, let me know there were four parts left. Two-inch round rings, the piston rings!
What he didn’t do, ridicule, punish, tell me I wasn’t good enough… Instead, he said with a positive smile, “You know what you gotta do right?” I said, ”Yep, I gotta take the block off, take it apart, and then put the piston rings on, and then, reassemble. Dang, I thought the block went together too easily.” I went back to work immediately.
Dad provided what I needed physically and emotionally for success, and held that space of success for me, by not knocking me down when I made a mistake. It was just a setback. He inquired to illuminate for me to see whether I achieved at the level I needed to. By not micromanaging and doing the work for me, he left the success up to me. He had my back- team Haury, father, and son. Getting that motor done right was me having his back. And so, I built my very first boat motor and used it until I was 15 years old.
As I shared that story with those who came to celebrate my dad’s life, I realized, I got my start and experience in creating real belonging from my dad at age 11.
I often get asked, where does my drive for bringing belonging back into our lives and especially the workplace, comes from? Well, along with just the innate joy I get in being part of and seeing a team in belonging perform at joyously super-high levels, the answer is, my dad too.
What if we cared for our employees, our coworkers, as cherished sons and daughters, and we gave them the belonging and what they physically needed to do things they’ve never done before?
If you’re their leader and they are your people, inquire, illuminate, and, have their backs. Hold to the high standard, without condemning and punishing. Create an environment of real belonging. Because that’s the only place where people join in an Us Story and move from fight/flight, to unite and fight together. And especially in conflict. Funny thing about conflict. It’s not the opposite of collaboration. It only happens in, and, is a natural occurrence within collaboration. It's the place where different perspectives collide for better outcomes. Instead of division.
The highest-performing teams in the world share this. They all deeply belong as unique individuals, and, as a tribe in an Us Story. They’re a living story anchored in their guiding principles in pursuit of a shared purpose. And I’ve found that the people who never give up on pursuing their optimal performance, they feel for each other, take ownership of each other’s lives, and care for each other in successes, dreams, and failures. They choose each other and that makes them unstoppable.
#uniteandfight #TeamOS #belonging #performance #gotyourback
Thanks for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it.
If you’d like to elevate your company’s performance, do it in belonging for real success. Give me a holler. I’ve got workshops that use belonging to improve performance and company culture. I’m available for Fractional Head of People Services and OrgDev Coaching for a Belonging Culture.