You Know How to Belong at Work, just change one word
Joon Chang replied to a post yesterday and his words contain a marvelously insightful paradigm for belonging at work. And to get it, and shift ourselves into belonging there, we just have to change one word. So, thanks again to now for what looks like a second post in a somewhat conversational article series. In this LinkedIn post, I introduce the boundary aspect of belonging. Often, when I discuss this with leaders, they get very uncomfortable. Because when you define who’s in, you’re also defining who’s out. And well, there’s been so many crappily rationales founded for who’s out, that even the mere thought of excluding somebody feels crappy. Regardless, it feels bad to say no when somebody wants in and they don’t belong. The conditions have to be held for someone to belong.
Susan Lamotte has one of my favorite definitions of tribe that lends itself to the understanding of the conditions that have to be held for belonging.
When asked what culture is, I use the word tribe. A functioning tribe has rules to join, rules to leave, and rules that keep the tribe running smoothly. Take modern American Indian tribes. They still run by tribal councils, and have rules to enroll and dis-enroll in the tribe. They have traditions, symbols and ways of being that are different and may even seem strange or odd to non-members. But members of the tribe relish in them. They belong.
Seth Godin says it this way:
People like us, doing things like this.
I’d also add to Seth’s, “that matters to us.”
We all have to belong, just not all with each other. You might mean, “get along”
I’ll throw this out to you, and please take some time and just sit with it. We all have to belong. It’s a neurobiological constant. However, we don’t have to belong with everybody, nor is that even remotely possible for us to do so. It’s a limitation of being human, beautifully human. Look up Dunbar’s number.
NOTE, that we don’t have to belong, and that it is simply impossible to do so, with everybody, doesn’t remove or invalidate a good moral position to get along with each other when we don’t belong.
Now back to Joon’s LinkedIn comment, and one word.
Change One Word: Spouse/Wife to Company.
With one word changed:
“To belong with my company, means I don't belong with any other company in that way.”
Hmm… a great example of BElonging. When I find it, why would I ever want to leave? It may not be perfect at the beginning and through our journey, I can always work to strengthen the relationship to nurture why I fell in Love in the first place. To belong with my company takes a lot of compassion, kindness, gratitude, humility, courage, and integrity. I live with these core values daily, while my company has her own set of values, that hopefully will mesh well together. ❤️
Joon’s comment:
“To belong with my spouse, means I don't belong with any other person in that way.”
Hmm… a great example of BElonging. When I find it, why would I ever want to leave? It may not be perfect at the beginning and through our journey, I can always work to strengthen the relationship to nurture why I fell in Love in the first place. To belong with my wife takes a lot of compassion, kindness, gratitude, humility, courage, and integrity. I live with these core values daily, while my spouse has her own set of values, that hopefully will mesh well together. ❤️
If you’ve ever said anything like this to your spouse/partner, you know how to belong. You’ve belonged. You can create and start belonging at your company.
But for real belonging to exist it has to go both ways and not be transactionally dependent.
Belonging is this:
You feel, own, and care for them, your teammates and leaders in their successes, dreams, and failures. And they feel, own, and care for you in yours.
It’s feel, own, and care for them, your teammates and leaders in their successes, dreams, and failures. And…
NOT, I repeat, not… to get them to feel, own, and care for you.
There’s a big difference in the meaning of the words, “I’ll do it for them because they’ll do it for me,” and, “I’m doing it for them so they’ll do it for me.” The most elite and high-performing teams, like the Navy SEALs, function from the first set of words, out of brother, sister, or xi-hood. (Click here for a deeper dive)
The Embrace and The Boundary
The embrace and the boundary of belonging is found in each of these six belonging areas of any group culture, company, or any tribe, or team for that matter. You choose to abide to be inside. Inside means not outside.
the ways you belong in accord with the tribe’s core values
your shared beliefs that you hold, together
living in your personal values that work with the company core values
you, joined in story, your personal strategic story in concurrence with the company’s strategic story
your get-shit-done practices that you personally and cooperatively perform for your tribe
your growth for each other first; the tribe grows or it dies
If you’re not seeing or experiencing any of these where you work, ask for these six things to be possible where you are. If you want to chat about them and how you might do that, reach out to me, let’s talk. I already know you have the potential within you to achieve as much. Try, just try. You already know how to do it. Belong.
I’ll leave you with a wonderful description of belonging by Owen Eastwood, the author of, Belonging, The Ancient Code of Togetherness.
#Whakapapa (Maori for, "you belong here") points a finger at us and tells us, You will not be judged by your money or celebrity or sense of self pride . . . you will be judged by what you did for our tribe. When the sun is shining on us, we must be guardians of our tribe and of each other.
Belonging, The Ancient Code of Togetherness. (pp. 18-19).
Thanks for reading. If I can help you in belonging to perform better, or you just want to connect, give me a holler. Catch ya, Paul.